Play 'Reality' Football - You'll Burn More Calories

In the beginning, Fred created team High Quality H20. Now this team was formless and empty, darkness was over the North Jersey Vineyard Fantasy Football League and the spirit of competition and one-upsmanship was hovering over the live draft....

And Fred said, "Let there be team; a team that drafted Quarterback Drew Brees (fantasy 'stud'), Wide Receivers Braylon Edwards (bust) and Torry Holt (admittedly a bad choice up front- huge bust), running backs LaDanian Tomlinson (bust for an overall first pick) and Brandon Jacobs, kicker Nick Folk (semi-bust) and many other players according to their various kinds. And Fred saw (thought) that it was good... but could always be better.

Sixteen weeks would pass. Many hours would be wasted sitting in front of a computer tracking stats rather than at the games themselves (a term coined by a friend - 'beep-bop-boopin"), following stats across roughly 15 games a week. Frustration mounted as the losses piled up and pushed High Quality H20 out of playoff contention. And behold: The 4 Horsemen of the fantasy football Apocalypse: Underachievement, The Injury Report, Listening to the "Experts", and my personal favorite - "last minute knee-jerk roster changes" --the pale horse itself.

All this... for what? Props? Bragging rights? Do you think fantasy football takes away from the enjoyment of the game? (i.e. Rooting against my Tampa Bay Buccaneers) Does it make you take notice of other players/teams who don't play in the Metro NY Area? It seems like fantasy football has become one of the ever-increasing number of American guilty pleasures (along with 'Dancing With The Stars' and Snuggies) enjoyed by man, woman, and child alike.

Next Year, though, High Quality H20 is gonna go Ezekiel 25:17 on everyone's butts, make no mistake. And this beep-bop-booper will undeniably enjoy every excruciating and annoyingly painstaking moment of it.

If you have no clue what Fantasy football is, click here for a primer.